From the monthly archives:

April 2010

A Need for Speed

by admin

speedy

I have a need for speed. Wait, wait…it’s not quite what you’re thinking. I need to go faster – that’s my problem! I’m S-L-O-W.

This new runner took on her first 5k today (Clinton Twp, NJ) with a goal in mind. I currently run at about a 17-18 min pace. I know what you’re thinking, you walk faster than that right? It’s okay – that’s where I’m at. I’m a plus size runner and do what I can. I’m proud of that slow pace, because it means I’m moving and my rear is not permanently attached to the sofa.

Today though, I wanted to push myself a little more. I wanted to see if I could pull in closer to a 16min pace. I have my third half marathon coming up in May – and the course time limit is a little shorter than I’d like. It means I need to hold that 16 min pace for 13+ miles.

Today was good though, it showed me what I needed to work on (consistent training – felt it in my breathing a little bit, which was a first for me in awhile) – I’ve slacked a bit in the last 2 weeks, and what I was good with – my leg muscles feel strong and can easily carry me the distance plus more.

Either way, it was a win/win for me. It helps build my confidence to know that I can push my pace just a little more, and I may not be shut out of the course on my next half after all. I’m aiming to complete 3 half marathons in 90 days, so May’s would be my third. If I can’t pull it off in the time limit, there’s one last backup one I’ll be trying in early June. I’m banking on May!

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Slow Runner Keeps Going

by admin

slow1

I’m a slow runner, there’s no doubt. I’m not going to be picking up great striding speeds anytime soon, but I’m going to keep plodding ahead and do what I can. I need to…I need to keep going.

I signed up for a local 5k next week, and I’ll be honest, I’m pretty sure I’ll come in last – again. It’s okay…there’s no shame in that. I’m out there and moving, and making an effort to get better. That’s the message I want to send out — you don’t have to be fast, you just have to go. You don’t have to be small, you just have to go. You don’t have to great at it, you just have to go. Sometimes though, even I have trouble remembering that.

Self-doubt creeps in to all of us at some point or another. Is it shame, embarrassment, is it not thinking we’re good enough?

Here’s the thing – if we don’t try, and keep trying…we aren’t going to get better. That goes for me too. So, I’ll be out there trying next week and seeing how to push myself in a shorter distance and what to do with my pace and time.

I have another half marathon I signed up for in May and it has a shorter course time limit. I need to maintain a solid pace for a longer time than I’m used to. This upcoming 5k is a great training situation for me – maintain a pace and try to be consistent in it….I need to do it for myself – to see I can push a little bit harder. I need to understand what I can and can’t do.

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Bucks County Half Marathon

by admin

buckshalfmarathon

Sometimes you just have to finish because you can. The Bucks County Half Marathon was my second half marathon – and one I finished today. I can’t tell you it was pretty – while the park was gorgeous, my results – well, less than stunning. Does that bother me? Hell no….I’m tickled and thrilled to have finished yet another half marathon. Did I come in last? Yup…sure did, but I still finished with a smile on my face.

You see, a year ago, I couldn’t have imagined I’d be taking on endurance events — or let alone finish them! I may not be the fastest one out there, but what I’ve learned is it’s not about being fast….it’s about finishing even when you’re tired.

I’ve got 4 blisters on one foot, and the other is unscathed. Why one foot got the torture treatment, while the other was fine, I’ve got no idea. Why I didn’t give up at mile 8 – well….THAT I can tell you why….it’s about talking yourself INTO doing it…

One of my friends has a sister going through a difficult time, and I remembered that my pain was only temporary, while she didn’t get to take a break….that pushed me part of the way….another friend reminded me “I know how to finish” – and I kept that running through my brain as well….I love me some ROTE (Running of the Ears – BEST running group ever!)

When I finished my last half marathon, I thought I’d cry for sure…but I didn’t. Imagine my surprise when I started to cry at around 11.5 miles…and again at 12.5 miles today….I realized I was going to finish. IT was just me out there…seriously, everybody else had finished WAY, WAY before me…so there I was all alone still pushing myself step by step forward. I wasn’t embarrassed to be alone and last, I was proud I didn’t give up when I could have. I kept going…and I realized..I was going to make it. I was going to finish….and I was stronger than I thought…..I made it.

elevation

THe first 5 miles I felt great – and then the hills (both ups and downs) started to play havoc on my feet…I felt good again around mile 9, then mile 10 snuck up on me, and I ended up walking the last 3 miles. Previously, I’d been doing run/walk intervals….but, I finished!

*one special note, a woman I’d just met today – she had stopped with a knee problem, but then took the time to drive over to mile 10 to make sure I was safe and okay since she knew the course was pretty empty at that point…THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for your kindness and concern. I was very touched by that…what an incredible feeling for someone you’ve JUST met to “watch your back” — too awesome for words. Thank you again!

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A Fat Lady Just Passed You

by admin

fat1

“A fat lady just passed you.” — that’s what will pull me along.

Let me explain. I have a half marathon tomorrow — and it’s a double-loop. The first loop is 8 miles and the second loop is 5 miles. My car along with all the others will be sitting waiting at mile 8, which is also the finish area. I remember during my Princess half last month right about mile 7 or 8 thinking, I’d just like to sit down…just for a minute. What will keep me running and NOT turning towards my car if that same thought comes through my mind. What will get me to keep moving?

This is going to be a very small group, about 300 people and half will be doing a 5k and not the half. That means maybe 100+ will be doing the half. Of those – half will probably be the cross country track team from the high school across the street….I anticipate being last, I’m slow! I’m totally COOL with being last..I’m okay with that. I just would like to push myself to finish – which I know I can because I’ve done it before.

So my husband and I were talking, and I was like what will pull me past those cars, so I don’t stop when I’m tired. He says….all those young kids? You think they all have been training properly? They’ll get cocky, the non-runners…and many won’t finish. They’ll start strong, but peter out part way through. Imagine – here you are at the start line, and people will think you won’t have it in you…and surprise, you’ll be one of those who finish.

I laughed and said, yeah – I need one of those shirts that says “You were just passed by a fat lady!” on the back of it….and I smiled and knew exactly what would keep me going. Let’s show these cocky, strong young kids that yes, even the old, fat lady can stick with it and get it done.

Honestly – I’m not competing with anyone but myself, but I know the head games we play with ourselves on those long runs when we are tired…so when I see my car, and know I have 5 more miles to go…and yes, once again at mile 10 is a big ole hill…oh joy….I’ll have this to reach for. The chance for a fat lady to pass a young buck who didn’t train…yeah, it’s the little things. (cheesy grin)

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She Stumbles, She Falls…

by admin

stumble

Last night as 7pm snuck up on me I got highly emotional. I got moody, and downright snarky….What was so magical about 7pm? It was the time I was supposed to start my run. Well, it was the time I had picked to start my long run after the 2pm time came and went.

My husband made the mistake of asking a simple, itty-bitty question and I went off. A victim of my emotional fall out. I didn’t understand why my hormones went wacky – out of nowhere. That’s when it hit me…it had nothing to do with hormones, it had to do with something else – running.

The closer that 7pm came, the more I was dreading my run. Only – the thing is, I wasn’t ready to admit it — even to myself.

I was disappointed in myself, frustrated and embarrassed. I’ve been working so hard, why am I struggling all of the sudden? Where did it come from, and why the heck am I being so moody about it. Bless my husband, he’s so patient and knew I was working through something bigger than what I’d snapped about. We spent 2 hours hashing through my feelings as I moped, got angry, and tried to push these feelings through my body. They hung over me like a huge weight – and I felt overwhelmed.

I was disappointed in myself. Why didn’t I just put on my shoes and go? Why make excuses? I had a 9 mile run scheduled, and let’s be honest – with my turtle like pace, that can take me 2.5-3 hours to accomplish. That’s a long time. It’s hard to say, I’m going to start at 7pm and may not finish until almost 10pm…yeah, a bit overwhelming…but I’d done it many times before, why not now? You know what, it wasn’t disappointment that got me the most.

Frustrated? Yeah, because I wouldn’t face my true feelings.

Embarrassed? Hell yeah. Embarrassed because what if I’ve let other people down? Silly, huh? It’s just a run. So many people have told me how proud they are of me, or how I’ve inspired them to move, and now I’m all – I don’t want to. – like a little kid. Nice.

So there it is. It was scheduled, and I didn’t do it. I desperately didn’t want to, but what I put myself through was crazy. It was just a run, and yet I let the guilt of not wanting to do it eat me alive. It sucked big time. I should have just put in a little bit – I know that. I didn’t…

After talking through it all, I think I’m just ready to do smaller runs after my half this week. Just run because I want to…just run until I want to stop, and find some enjoyment in it, rather than it being a chore of something I’m supposed to do at this set time. I think I burn-out a bit after the big training schedule I did for my first half. It is what it is…

I want to run. I have no interest in stopping – I am just ready to run on my terms right now, rather than based on a stiff schedule. I felt better once I worked it out within myself – and thanks to my husband for listening to me rattle on for a good 2 hours. I asked him if he was disappointed in me, and he said he felt bad I was putting so much pressure on myself and watching me be so frustrated over this was hard, but disappointed, no. That’s inside of me, not him….

Have you struggled to keep going when you didn’t want to? How do you work around your down times?

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Cutting the Run

by admin

sad

We all have crappy runs time to time, but every once in awhile you just have one of those non-productive runs. I had one of those tonight, and had to make a decision part way into it. My breathing was off, though my shoes felt great. I seemed to not be able to find a good stride, yet I was able to maintain it when I found it…it just didn’t feel right.

Every run, the first mile or two is sucky, and by mile 3 I’m in my groove. The problem is – I felt like it was just wasn’t coming together. I decided to toss the run and cut it short – and pick it up tomorrow and hope for better.

Here’s the thing, in most circumstances, I would have just stuck it out and kept going and chalked it up to a crappy run – but I have another half marathon next week, and I just can’t take the hit to my confidence right now. I had a choice…feel crappy about the run and get the miles, or push it out again tomorrow and find my stride.

I don’t know if I made a good decision or a bad decision, but it was my decision. I’m voting on saving my confidence right now…so here’s to a better run tomorrow, and regaining a little confidence from tonight’s mess.

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