I’m afraid if I stop, I’ll just sit down and do nothing. I do nothing really well. I’ve had a lot of time and experience doing nothing. It’s a struggle to keep moving. I read or hear about people loving exercise, loving running, loving it all….each and every single time I move – I have to talk myself into it. I thought after enough time – the “sparkly, loving feeling” would kick in. Yeah – not so much.
It’s okay, I know to keep moving because my body is seeing the rewards. Inside my body and outside of my body there are good, healthy changes happening. I need to keep going – I still have a long way to go. Maybe after 2 years or 3 years I’ll get that “love of exercise” feeling – and if it doesn’t come, I’ll know what I’m doing is still worth it.
I signed up for another half in November. That means I am doing a half marathon in October, and then another a few weeks later – AGAIN – voluntarily in November. Why did I go looking for more? What is wrong with me? Why do I want to keep going when it doesn’t even feel that great? Well…finishing something that big – 13 miles in a race feels AMAZING, even if the training isn’t all that much fun. It tickles something inside of me – that ME, even with my age, my size, my shape, and even coming in last place over and over again – it feels AMAZING. I think it’s pride. Pride feels pretty damn good!
Either way, I’m not giving up yet, in fact I have a goal to get better….that’s my plan, get better one minute at a time. I’m in no hurry. I have 2 more half marathons planned for this year, and 3 for next year. I just want to improve a little bit at a time. It’s sort of like golf, you’re playing against yourself really – to improve your own game.
I guess there is challenge without disappointment. Even coming in last place, I feel great because I did it. If I can beat my last time be even a minute, it’s a reward, so I can try at my pace, and come out feeling okay either way. Maybe that’s it – I like the challenge. Don’t know….but I’m hanging in there – because I have the desire to keep going for now….so that’s what I’ll do – KEEP GOING!
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I am doing my first 1/2 marathon on Sunday. The next weekend I’m doing a 5k and then at the end of June I’ll be doing another 1/2 marathon. I’ve gone from a couch potato to a run/walking turtle and I’m 99% sure I’m doing another 1/2 in November. It’s crazy. Most of the time running does not feel good…until it’s over! Keep going, you can do it!
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