A handful of my websites got hacked, and I’m in the process of doing the clean-up. I was able to retrieve and export most of my posts, which I’m grateful – but many pics were lost. I will replace some that I have on my hard drive – otherwise, there will be some empty slots, gaps, little red x boxes.

I’m aware — unfortunately, some of my other sites (business sites) were also hit, so this is not my top priority at this moment. Thank you for understanding, and I hope to have this cleaned up sooner than later.

I’m so grateful to have saved my journey through words – I got it with seconds to spare.

Just another reminder to back up your files if you have a website. A few seconds after I grabbed my files, and went in for my pics – poof, too late, all gone.

I was in love with my running shoes. Heaven, fit like a glove, felt great on – bought 3 pairs of them…..and then they changed the model. Like shoe companies do about every 6 months or so, they released an “upgrade” or a slight change. Often times you can move from one model to the next without a problem….that was what I had hoped for. I desperately searched the web for my old model and stocked up while I could find my size. That was hard to do, apparently my size is popular! Yikes – what would I do when I needed a new pair. I held my breath and pushed the order button on the next model. I went from an Asics Nimbus 11 which I ADORED to the Asics Nimbus 12. I laced them up, they seemed okay, mostly the same. I noticed the heel cut hit me a little differently, but not much else. Okay, I guess they’ll do….or will they?

I’m in the breaking in phase, and I keep notice some rubbing along my small toe. It almost feels like I want to go up half a size….so I start poking around the reviews for the 13s (currently out) and see something that caught my eye….the reviewer says – it almost seems like from the 11s to the 12s and now the 13s it feels almost a smidge narrower at the toe box! I knew this wasn’t a line of shoes I was going to continue with, as I need plenty of room at my toes. I was so bummed, like losing an old friend. My 12′s are set aside to be kick around shoes now. I don’t see me running in them if they are rubbing all ready. I’ll try to stretch them a bit in that area, but I’m not expecting miracles.

On that note, I spent hours pouring over reviews for a couple of models of shoes, and I’ve settled on the ones pictured above – the New Balance 1080′s. I was able to pick them up from a store I trust and has a liberal return policy….and I’ve worked with before, so I trusted them again. Here’s hoping I love them like I loved my Asics 11′s. I hate the the shoe companies change their line every 6 months or so – just when you’re falling in love with a shoe, you go into panic mode they’ll run out and you start hoarding shoes like crazy. I all ready know if I love these New Balance 1080′s I’ll buy 2 more back up pair. You get very attached to a shoe that feels great on when you’re running. When you find it, you don’t want to lose it! My credit card is prepared if these feel well, break in well, and wear well. I’ll be grabbing up back ups before like my Asics Nimbus 11′s – they are extinct or just so darn hard to find in my size, you just stop looking. Funny thing is, the 13′s are going to be the next phased out and as September rolls around I guess we move onto the 14′s.

Asics had a loyal customer who LOVED their shoe (bought multiple pairs) – and then they changed it. I can’t be the only frustrated runner who falls in love with a shoe only to have it tweaked on them….it happens all the time. Frustrating!

What exactly is the measure of a minute? In a minute I can:

- heat up something in the microwave
- take a quick potty break
- go to the fridge and pour a drink
- listen to about 1/3 of a song
- see two 30 second commercials on tv

It doesn’t seem like a lot of time, one minute….and yet, being able to run a mile one minute faster is huge! That’s the journey I’m working on currently. Being a plus size runner, I’m a little slower than many of the other runners on the course – but I just keep chugging along.

I’ve been cross training this year and right around late April or early May, I started lifting weights. I’ve been doing heavy weights/and SuperSlow repetitions (meaning a count of 8-10 going up, and 8-10 going down, not the tradition 2 or 4). I work with a trainer for this, and the strides and gains I’m making are great. One of the benefits I’m finding with running is that I’m picking up a little bit of speed. A little can mean a lot in the world of running.

If I’m currently at an 18min mile, and I can get to a 17 min mile – that’s a big step! For example – on a 5k course at 18mins you’re looking at about 56mins to finish. When you’re going at 17mins, you’re looking at more like 52 mins! Now let’s look at half marathons, which is the distance I push for…..

235 mins vs 222 mins — that’s a savings of you’ve got it….13 mins – or 1 minute a mile

My goal is to get to the point where I can hold that 17mins, and then aim for 16mm! I may never be a 12min miler, but I’ll be damned if I don’t try to work my way down over the course of my training in a comfortable, injury-free manner. A little bit of cross training here, a little bit of speed training there, and I may see gains.

Right now my big dream goal is to be at a solid 16mm like I should be for a Disney race. Whether I want to compete in the Disney Princess, Tink, Donald, Disneyland Half – whatever…..I don’t want to be looking back at sweepers right behind me. I want a little space between us…it can be too close for comfort sometimes!

With my cross training, I truly feel like I have the strength in my legs and core to carry me. My legs want to turn over faster, I have more oomph to propel me forward, my glutes are strong, my legs, and my abs and back are all working together to get me there. It’s going to be a long, slow progress – but look at that last word – PROGRESS….there is and will be progress.

Running has taught me persistence, patience, and a sense of pride in reaching a goal. I’ll get there. It may take awhile, but I know I’ll get there.

This story is pretty pointless without a picture showing off my thinner ankles. So here you go….take note of my ankles in this photo. It was taken July 1, 2011 while on vacation – we were currently in Nashville. Hey, I didn’t say my legs would be thin, focus on the ankles my friends!

While I’m not a thin person, my ankles are looking more like normal ankles after years and years of fluid retention. I’m currently weighing in around 239. I had to restart somewhere around 255. The amount of fluid that has jumped off my body is amazing….truly. My wrists, my ankles, my shoulders – my fingers, all my joints are no longer swollen after years of constant swelling. The culprit? GLUTEN!

My thinner ankles make me smile all the time now. I shave my legs and am amazed that they are starting to look like normal ankles – not like overstuffed sausages. My body is adjusting. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to be instantly thinning out in moments, but changes are truly happening.

In return, that is helping to motivate me. I took a long trip (2 1/2 week vacation) and just got back to the gym today to do weights. I have another appointment with my trainer on Friday. Now, it’s time to get running consistently again. I’m doing things smartly and at my pace. I was signed up for a half in August, but I knew I was not in any shape to do that. Sure I could push myself right now, but for what?

I found a 5 miler in late October that will be a good way for me to get my feet wet again without feeling over pressured. I’ll go back in for my February half – the Donna in Jacksonville, which has a huge time limit. That allows me to not feel pressured for my come back half. I’m not going to suddenly get faster, and having less pressure on my time will really help my confidence.

So for now – I’ll smile admiring my thinner ankles, work on picking up running consistency, and continue to move forward with weights. I’ll probably continue them through the end of the year and decide what to do after that point. ($$)

The last 6 weeks or so have been an adjustment period for me. I’ve had to give up gluten, wheat, oat, rye, all dairy except hard cheeses, tunafish, potatoes (THAT was hard!), tomatoes, all nuts except walnuts, soy (limiting, super hard to find almost any product without it), along with a few other things….so I’m doing things like having coconut milk over some interesting gluten-free cereal….

Needless to say, my entire world was flipped upside down. As I adjusted to my new eating patterns, I pretty much stopped doing anything. I wanted to focus on one thing specifically. It didn’t take me long though to get it together. After about 2-3 weeks, I was ready to get back on track.

I’ve been lifting weights with a trainer 1-2x a week (based on my schedule) and I love it. I did this a few years back and loved it then as well. I’d like to maintain 2x a week for awhile after I get back from a big trip I’m going on with my son. I’ve also gotten myself back to running – and am once again struggling with consistency. It’s funny, because I love how I feel after I run, and I like that I’m doing it as I’m going through the process, but in my head – I dread getting started.

I’m trying to change that perspective in my mind…I’m usually pretty good about that. In fact, with all the food changes, by changing my perspective and having a great attitude, it made it so much easier and not a struggle. And yet, with running I can’t get over the hump.

I have a half scheduled in late August and one in February. I am very much looking forward to the one in February, as it has a long time limit, and I can do what I can do without feeling rushed. As for August, I like the course, but will wait to see if I’m trained enough – I won’t go in way undertrained and injure myself. I’ll be away for a couple of weeks, and when I return, if I get back on track with consistency, I may be able to still pull it off – just going to wait to call it. I’d love to get another half under my belt – to help with my confidence, but I also understand what’s involved, and if I don’t put the work in, I won’t push that day just to prove a point.

If I work for it, I’ll do it…thank goodness I’m getting the weight workouts in, so I’m still exercising. I also wonder if in my brain I let myself off the hook, because I all ready got a work out in. Not sure what’s going on – but I’m not finished yet – that I’m sure of.

As for the gluten and other food intolerance issues – I hope to retest in about 6 months to a year and maybe I’ll get some of those foods back. Gluten/wheat will not be allowed back into my diet at all, but hopefully potatoes will be allowed again at some point! I can say I feel amazing. My joints no longer swell at my ankles or hands/fingers, and the heavy bloat I always feel is completely gone! I hope it helps me lose some weight over time. I’m down 8 pounds, but it will be a long, slow journey. Thankfully running has taught me perseverance!

In my brain most runners at a race look like this:

I feel like this:

…and regardless, we all are like this at the end:

I’ve always felt like I stand out when we line up at a start line. My running group has taught me that it doesn’t matter if I’m slow or if I’m more round than I am lean – it’s having the goal of improving yourself and reaching out, and finishing it that really matters. We all cross the same finish line. I love my running group. They’ve changed me in so many ways that are valuable to my self-worth and I can’t thank them enough for that.

I’ve restarted my C25k program again. I’m on week 3. I also started doing some weights with a program that I am liking very much recently. I’m breathing normally, no respiratory issues. I kept waiting for it to happen, but now that the BP meds are out of my body, it’s a non-issue. I’m so happy and relieved. This means I can and will rebuild that endurance again!

Here’s the thing – after having a bought with adrenal issues, then respiratory issues, I was feeling pretty down. I once had endurance and it was all gone, lost, finished – I had nothing left. I was left sitting on the sidelines of “you’ll get there again” encouragement.

I wasn’t so sure. I thought maybe I’d had my time in the sun and it wasn’t going to happen again. A funny thing happened on the way – I stuck around my running group regardless of the changes going on. I felt inspired, encouraged, motivated by watching OTHERS achieve what they were setting out for. I decided it was going to happen again, and I was going to make it happen again.

I signed up for some weight lifting for some cross-training, and I got back on my handy/dandy treadmill, in my happily climate controlled dining room and gave it a go. Guess what, it is clicking back in place, and I am going to be able to go forward and build my endurance again. It was my mind holding me back recently, but now that I’m moving again I feel so much better.

I’m not any faster, and I’m okay with that. I’m a little bit rounder and I’m not okay with that, so I’m working on it. What I do know is that as I rebuild my endurance and get myself “half marathon” ready again, I’ll get there not only by my own physical means, but also by the strength that my running group offers me.

I’m ready to run baby!

This is from the ESPN 5k sponsored by Champion and Dick’s Sporting Goods that was held in Disney. I think it may have actually been the Champion 5K during the ESPN Weekend – not positive. Anyway, it was the morning I was set to leave Florida. I’d been on a two week trip and had to catch a train later that day. I woke early, had time to do the race and rush back to grab a shower and head for the train. It was a rushed morning for sure.

While I’ve got the medal and completed the 5k, it didn’t go nearly as planned. I was excited to push myself a little and see if I could push out a better pace than I’d done in the past. I started with a 16min mile, because I knew I had to get a quick start out of the gate so I wouldn’t get swept, but what I didn’t expect was to not be able to catch my breath — for all three miles.

I’ve been having some problems with my blood pressure meds giving me some respiratory issues. I have been on them for 4 months, so it’s not like I wasn’t aware, but the problems seemed to be increasing quickly during this past month. If I pushed myself, it was getting harder and harder – and my lungs didn’t want to cooperate. I’d been coughing at night, and now I was coughing more and more. Something was off as soon as I started. The walk from my car to the start was fine – at a leisurely pace – but the moment I moved faster I was in trouble. I felt it straight on and knew that even 3 miles was going to feel like a struggle the way my lungs were being.

I wanted to cry. I was so frustrated. I was doing half marathons last year, and now I was having trouble pushing out a 5k. The previous week I didn’t have problems, but this week I started out of the gate at a trot to make time. Big mistake, because my lungs just couldn’t keep up and I started to wheeze and cough…it wasn’t going to be pretty, but I refused to let myself stop. No way, no how was I going to let a 5k knock me out.

What a triumphant feeling to hang in until the end knowing how much I’d been struggling on the course. At the end, another girl was by my side, so we held hands as we crossed, finishing together. It was a nice moment. I walked 2 of those 3 miles — and even walking at that point was becoming a big struggle.

I coughed and wheezed way too hard for a good 30 mins after the race trying to clear out my lungs. No fun…

I came home and spoke to my doctor. I’m now off the meds and I’m letting my body heal from the respiratory issues I picked up from the medicine. I hope when this stuff clears out of my body I can start to run again. I’m on “no running” orders for about a month as we monitor my BP and progress, and hopefully in about a month I’ll be back to it.

I couldn’t understand why I just couldn’t pick up any endurance this go round, and realized the timing of the meds I started – along with the coughing, and put it all together. If I need to go back on meds in a month’s time, we’ll try another brand so I don’t pick up another resp. problem. Frustrating to say the least…

I had to cancel out of my Bucks County Half Marathon – really bummed about that. That’s home to me – I grew up going to Tyler State Park. They were wonderful when I wrote to them to tell them I’d be a DNS (did not start), and be certain I’ll be back next year – it’s a great little race and growing.

Here’s hoping when it’s all said and done – I’ll be back at it with my turtle pace and some grand endurance again!

I did things a little differently this time..I ran the 5k in place of the half (info in last post) and cheered at the half today. This is the medal from yesterday, and it was a blast to do it with friends. Their goal was to stay on the course as long as possible, a backwards PR if you will, because there’s a lot to see, characters/pictures, etc…it’s a “fun run” and isn’t timed. I wore my Garmin anyway – and ended up with a 1:01….next weekend I run the ESPN 5k (timed event) and hope to pull in somewhere between 45-50 mins. (their slow race was normal time for me, haaa).

That was Saturday – and then this morning, instead of heading to the races at 3am to get ready to rumble with the Princess Half Marathon (2011), I slept in until 6am (still groaning) and was parked and ready to cheer by 7am.

We went to a couple of different spots prepared with water/pretzels/licorice/and wet sponges. We brought our cheering voices, clapped tons, and screamed out to the runners hoping to keep their energy and motivation up. It was a super humid and hot morning for the race.

At about mile 8 when we were cheering in front of the Poly – there was a twinge in me that wished I was out there running still (had my bib, and for a moment last night actually considered it, but knew I’d regret it)…but as soon as I turned away, I was glad I wouldn’t be sore for the next couple days.

We headed to the finish line and I got to see everyone after their finish – hanging with friends, hugging friends, meeting new friends. What an awesome experience to get to be a support team out there.

I’ll be doing another 5k on Saturday, and my next half is in about a month. THere’s no time limit so I may still stick in there with that one – we’ll see how I’m feeling….but I’ve got to say….Disney races are FUN. There are tons of distractions and things to see, music and more…they keep it moving along. Next month’s half will be completely different…me and some trees in a park along with some other runners…quiet, just puttering along….ya know what? Both kinds are sort of neat!

I’ll update again after my ESPN 5k.

It’s hard to be honest with yourself. Sometimes you aren’t sure if you’re lying to yourself to make you feel better, or if you are just perplexed by options. I’ve been struggling with my training this cycle, and while I’m pushing out a few longer runs, I’m just not feeling the way I have in the past – motivated and really even interested in going far. I all ready know I can go far when I have to….I’ve done it multiple times now.

The question has come up – what is my actual goal as a runner this year?

Do I want to “just hang on and survive” a half marathon to prove to myself I can still do it? Or do I want to become a stronger runner and work on improving my time and consistency?

Sometimes I want to do both. Here’s the thing – I’m a member of a large running club, and there are some amazing people there….truly amazing. Pushing out marathon after marathon, relays, half marathons, pushing speed, pushing themselves on a regular basis. There are some serious runners, and some casual runners.

I start to wonder if I am pushing myself for longer distances to prove that I can. I all ready proved that I could. I have my half fanatic #, I proved to myself that I could do it over and over last year.

I had hoped to do Princess again to see how much I’ve improved over a year’s time. The problem is, I’m not improving. I’m hanging on, just like last year. Sure I can “survive” and finish another half marathon – but where’s my true goal lie?

This has been playing out in my mind for a few weeks now – and I finally decided tonight was the night to make a decision. I hashed it out with my husband over dinner. He knows me better than anyone, and he knows how I run, when I run, what my runs are like, and every other tiny detail you could think of. I could be honest about it all, and he would call me out if I wasn’t being true to what I was saying.

Here’s what I decided. I need an important goal. While 13 miles was a great challenge for me, what I TRULY want is to become a better runner. I want to get faster, and I want to become more consistent. I want the experience to be enjoyable, not – geez this 9 mile training run is going to take me close to 3 hours…please stab my eyeballs out with a fork.

I keep doing it, because it’s what my running group does. That’s what you do….you keep going.

The difference is I’m a girl who isn’t a natural runner. I really have found that running is something I’ll keep doing. I like to run. I like how I feel, the confidence it gives me – and I think about running a lot! It’s become part of my fiber.

What I’d like to do is get faster. I want to get to the point where I can do a 14-16 min mile – consistently. THAT’S a goal I can work towards. I want to run longer stretches with less intervals again like I used to do years ago. I want to not dread my runs, but enjoy them on an ongoing basis. If I know I’ll be running for 45 mins, not 2 hours, it’s not as overwhelming.

My fear is will I feel like I’m missing out if I don’t “prove” I can hang in there for the Princess half. I’ve all ready proven that. What I haven’t proven to myself is that I’ve become a better runner. I think I want 2011 to be about quality and becoming both stronger and faster. For now, shorter distances will be better for me…rather than “just getting by”. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE that challenge, and I will still do 2 of the 4 races I’d set aside. I’m going to do one in the spring, one near the fall – so I still have the challenge there – but I think it’s time to focus on improving.

The more I think about this, the happier I am with this decision. Where is the goal of “just surviving” and scraping by? That’s not showing improvement….getting to the point where I run solid through a race, at a faster pace, and feeling better about my running in general is where I want to be.

I need to remember, my running has to be about me…not about what other people are doing. That can be hard at times, when so many people in the running group do SO MUCH MORE, but I”m not them, and they aren’t me. I need to run for me….and understand that my circumstances are different than theirs. My goals may be difference, my pace, my needs and wants.

I don’t run for medals…I run to feel good about myself. When you weight over 200 pounds, feeling good about yourself can be hard some days. Running makes me feel proud and confident. I want to continue to do that, just at a pace and goal that feels better to me right now.

You may understand, you may not…but that’s okay. I need to understand my own truth, not try to worry about “what other runners” are doing.

So there it is, I’m going to do the 5k in place of the half marathon in a few weeks. I’ll still do the Bucks County Half Marathon in April – because there isn’t a time limit, so I won’t worry about it, just do my thing, and it’s a beautiful park (read no cars), and it’s local (about an hour away). I’ll also do the Wild Half in Wildwood, NJ because it’s an inaugural and would be another chance to check out how I’m progressing.

I feel like a weight has lifted off my shoulders, because I know this is the right choice for me. I’ll be doing training runs between 1-5 miles for awhile, working on hill training, and adding speed a little bit at a time. I am ready to work on quality rather than distance. It’s the right transition for me at this time.

This picture is from after last year’s Disney Princess Half Marathon. This year I’m in training for the Disney Princess Half Marathon 2011!

I’ve run the 2010 Disney Princess Half Marathon, along with 2 others – but something happened along the way last year. I was supposed to run 5 half marathons this past year, but on the week of my 4th – I had a large stumbling block. My body was shutting down and not working properly. I ended up having to stop in the beginning of my 4th race. Later that week, home from vacation – I found out I had burned out my adrenals. I was putting demands on my body that it couldn’t handle. I was told to sit on the sidelines for about 2 months until my meds could be adjusted.

I’m on my way to training again, but let’s take a look at what happened in the mean time while I was sitting out. I wasn’t moving – and I was quickly losing my endurance. In fact, too quick for my comfort!

So here I am – starting the training process all over again. This time my legs bounced back really quickly, and it doesn’t bother them at all – but my lung capacity. Oh my goodness! I was stunned to realize I didn’t have ANY left. It was back to square one for me!

Now that I had to start over, I started the C25k yet again. It’s the best program I’ve seen for taking a non-runner and helping them become a runner. I’m working the magic again, and hopefully I’ll have it all together for the Princess Half Marathon in late February.

I’m just at the point where I need to start adding in long runs in my half training, so each week, I’ll adjust as needed. Last year I jumped from C25k to the Marathoning for Mortals training plan. I’ll be doing something similar again. While I’ll be running intervals, I know I need to pull my lung capacity back where it was. That’s a slow process, and I’m hoping to be full on back to where I was in the next few weeks. We can hope, right?

If you’re looking to read about past experiences with the Princess Half Marathon 2010 – you can read my full report here.

You can also see short video clips of my right after my finish, and how quiet it looks at the back of the pack around mile 12 for me!